Quote for Reflection: Trauma compromises our ability to engage with others by replacing patterns of connection with patterns of protection. ~ Stephen Porges
I’m offering everyone who reads this an opportunity to really engage within, connect your minds and hearts together to help create a paradigm shift for yourselves in the stopping of verbal abuse which also includes emotional and psychological trauma. This is about getting real and about self responsibility.
With so much going on around how people communicate with each other, from the throngs of cancel culture to politically correctness, it’s important to notice that the majority of these styles are actually trauma responses. We are looking at patterns of control, negation, deceit, deception, minimizing, bullying and polarization. These all occur in childhood abuse.
Ask yourself sincerely, “If someone disagrees with me on a topic I feel impassioned about, what do I really want to get through to them or have them hear in the communication?’ Do you want them:
- To agree with you?
- To just be heard by the other?
- To be heard and agreed with
- To be able to have a civil discourse to exchange ideas?
- To have a great debate like how college or high school kids do by engaging with certain rules and facts?
Really acknowledge your response/s to yourself.
Why do this?
Because there is so much projectile dialogues going on with others through social media and in person due to what is occurring from the world stage. Many have forgotten to engage somatically and with care towards others or themselves. They get lost in a cause or the emotions, and forget there are humans with feelings at the other end of the conversation.
Please consider the following questions as well. They help awaken your motives so they can be more easily brought to consciousness and worked through. You only have yourself to be honest with. Take your time. Jot down your responses. We are all learning and growing exponentially at this time.
- How were you taught to discuss a situation that was not in agreement with your principles, understanding, or awareness as a child?
- Do you ever use verbal fighting with another directly to resolve issues or to shut down the conversation?
- Do you verbally ‘attack’ another on their character or name call rather than stay with the topic at hand?
- Do you pigeon-hole another when you disagree? (boxing-in like “You always do this?”)
- Do you pull up old unprocessed resentments, grudges and anger with the other to help you feel empowered in the conversation?
- Do you raise your voice/shout at another in order to create a safety net, boundary, or to be heard?
- Do you ever use passive aggression to verbally fight?
- Do you change discourse or skip around to something unrelated in a difficult conversation to create confusion or divert from the topic at hand? Why? What does this do for you?
- Do you feel that you ever want the other to ‘collapse’ or back off so they feel defenseless and will admit they were wrong?
- Do you feel getting even can create a resolution or agreement?
- Do you shut yourself down and avoid telling the other what you’re feeling about the disagreement to keep the peace?
- What do you get out of using these styles in disagreeing?
- Does it depend on the person which style you use (if you use them)?
- Will the strategy to make someone wrong help you to feel you’re right?
- How will this help you in feeling right? Will you feel redeemed, worthy, more power, or have more value? When did you feel this way in childhood?
- Will another’s admission of being wrong, satisfy what is really going on in what you are wanting or needing? (This could be beneficial or detrimental depending on the motivation or undercurrent… ie to have power over another would be a detrimental motivation)
- If you disengage from a verbal disagreement, do you feel like a loser or defeated?
- Do you know the difference between showing another their mistake or error through your own experience rather than making them wrong or bad?
Just to say that most of the questions come from coping strategies. Many are ways we engage in revengeful communication.
In knowing these trauma patterns, I’ve also used all of them myself. It’s been a journey to assess, reassess and forgive myself. None of us are perfect, but when we have the courage to change, practice and make these vulnerabilities public, it helps everyone learn, evaluate the motives and open up space for change in a more authentic way.
These verbal coping patterns also come from the parenting and educational styles that created the trauma. In knowing that our words have frequency and power, how we use our words when we disagree can:
- support another to see a new possibility
- open up more emotional intimacy, trust, safety and deeper connection
- realize that the person is where they are at and allow that to be ok for them while we agree to disagree
- allow us to see we need a new road away from the relationship, a disconnection, perhaps temporary or permanent
- vent our feelings in using old coping mechanisms like lack of emotional regulation (which says more about us rather than any message that we want to get through)
Take a pause
Is it possible to instead take a pause, slow down, breathe and think about what would help you hear another better in the moment? Can you take responsibility for recognizing what is going on for you, your experience, in response to the other’s actions? Can you solicit for help or support to change the dialogue?
Example: When you raise your voice, it’s hard to stay present for you because I feel disrespected. Is there another way you can tell me that information so I can really hear what you want to get across or what you need?
Being responsible for our own triggers or experience keeps us in our core, our body, and helps us to be clear of our goals and motivations in a conversation or any relationship.
Our differences inform us of who we are. We can learn to respond to those differences creatively and respectfully if we want to see the world evolving differently. Each one of us is responsible for our part. Each time we practice our verbal skills, they count and matter. It also sends out a different verbal and thought frequency rather than a trauma response not only to the other but to the world.
I know that many are very concerned over the V or biologic issue. We are hearing from friends or alternative media the rise in severe adverse effects and deaths. I have friends who have lost loved ones soon after being injected. Just like the dangerous effects on children, the mass media will purposely not connect the two. It’s a tragic and difficult topic. It’s one that I have known about and attempted to educate others on since my kids were little.
What I really hear behind this topic for the many who understand or have become aware due to tragedies now, is the fear of people dying, like our loved ones or important people in our life. It brings up our own death issues, of how we were deceived, of abandonment or aloneness if these other people make this choice. It’s a reflective trigger from our childhood.
It’s fine to educate, but watching our patterns and how we share will either engage or disengage others. Both of these outcomes are neither good or bad, right or wrong. People have choices.
It’s all an opportunity to know what is best for ourselves and learn to do self care, connect deeper within ourselves, trust Creator, and to connect with others who understand, and whose resonancy feels related. We cannot save the world, but we can participate in the changes!
Shift to the next level
Ultimately, every soul has an opportunity to shift to the next level, which is around the corner in this de-structuring time. Not all will choose to shift or continue to stay in their ‘body clothes’ through their decision process. And not all will die either.
At this time, there are certain structures in place that have blocked, twisted or distorted information making it difficult for many to have clarity. This is unraveling quickly and has been shown to many of us who are taking the time to use alternative research avenues.
The way people are making their decisions is also from how many others are doing it, the need to fit in and be accepted, the false notion that they are safe, and/or the fear they will be questioned if they don’t comply. This becomes ‘herd’ susceptibility to group pressure stopping what actually could be a ‘heard’ opportunity.
People are succumbing to getting ‘V’ badges just like being given brownie points or gold stars for doing ‘good’ at home or school; but this time, it’s for following distorted public health information. What’s going to happen when they can’t sue if they get sick later on?
The badges are a similar reward system used in disciplining children by creating short term behaviors thinking it will support long term goals. There is nothing intrinsically connected to keeping this ‘V’ agenda going unless there are more rewards or punishments projected as benefits. [Note below]
And isn’t this just like what happens in childhood trauma in the ways we were limited in our perceptions and reality by the parenting styles used on us? If we don’t do something or get it done in the ways the adults expected or wanted it, we get punished. If we do ‘good’ (which is subjective), we get a sticker. If we think for ourselves, we are being insolent, stubborn, or disrespectful.
[Note: It’s fine if you disagree with me. The media disinformation is already being exposed in what has been covertly filmed in mid April through the bravery of Project Veritas. Charlie Chester, technical manager at CNN, went on a ‘date’ with a woman who recorded him as part of Project Veritas’ truth-finding journalism. Chester got caught with ‘his pants down’ in speaking so pompously about CNN’s media agenda to sell fear by falsifying information, manipulating statistics and using character lies to sway public opinion…all to make money and to keep their ratings high. This has gone viral. The mass media is de-structuring and gratefully so. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dv8Zy-JwXr4]
Allowing our grief
If we can dig or work on these issues, we will find a place of letting go, of allowing our grief or other difficult emotions to move through us without the need to identify as them. We can break the childhood abuse patterns by not attempting to use dismissive communication skills to stop our own feelings that need to be acknowledged.
When the structures have come down enough to expose the truths in more detailed and public ways, grief, shock, and trauma is going to be many people’s experience and reality.
It’s all about exposing what has happened to the millions and millions of children trafficked in the Deep Underground Military Bases (DUMBS) and the levels of corruption and perversion that have created this. So many famous people, from Hollywood to politicians, are involved. I don’t even want to say why this is so important to me, but those who know me or read my other blogs, will get it.
Can you be curious if you don’t know about this issue? Or will you call or consider me a conspiracy theorist? If the later, please consider going back to the questions I asked earlier that delve into trauma coping responses. Stopping the flow of ideas, dialogues, and experiences would be antithesis of what the point of this blog is about.
We have run out of time to stay in false safety nets or using the ‘ostrich’ syndrome to create comfort zones. We are not here to play it small but to stand out in participating in the changes. We will make it as a species, yet we need to be awakened more to bring those amazing new ways that I’ve shared in the January blog into public usage.
Can we support each other, even in disagreement of ideas or situation, to make these verbal changes in order to help the planet stop abuse?
With deep care for all of us!
I know what it feels like, how to, when to, the possibility of, safe to, I’m worthy, deserving and good enough, that I can and do (or I am) and have Creator’s perspective of:
- To live without using: verbal fighting, passive aggression, collapsing another, shouting, name calling or pigeon-holing another, to resolve a disagreement
- To live without confusing another (switching topics away from the topic at hand) to feel powerful or to shut them down
- To live without needing revenge or getting even to resolve a disagreement
- To know how to resolve a disagreement in being present for your own experience, in what is going on for you
- To live without shutting yourself down to keep the peace
- To live without making someone wrong to feel you feel right
To be able to disengage from a verbal disagreement without feeling defeated or at loss
- To know the difference between showing another their mistake or error through your own experience rather than making them wrong or bad
- To live allowance of others making their choices and mistakes without taking it personal
- To allow others to grow through their own choices
- To know when another is open to engaging in difficult topic
- To be able to educate without forcing another to agree
- To support another to see a new possibility
- To have a civil discourse without creating confusion
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.