Trauma Healing Skills Part 2

Battles

Do you know that saying, “Pick your battles”?

What if the conversation wasn’t about ‘battles’, but just sharing ideas and information? And then you show up thinking that’s what’s going to happen though others don’t have the skills to meet you there? This is where an attempt to create a battle could occur.

For some, there is an immediate refusal to listen and immediately tell you you’re wrong or on the wrong side, or your disagreement to their perception is taken as a personal offense against them.

At which point do we engage or disengage from their battle? How long can we keep disengaging until the relationship has no more energy for connection? Can the energy of Love still be present in a disconnection?

I believe it can.  

What another means

One of the triggers that I see so often is that people don’t ask what another means. They don’t go for clarity of understanding but assume another’s actions are about them, their character, or reputation.

It’s so easy to ask, “What do you mean by that?” in a curious way. And sometimes, even that question isn’t acceptable for others who live from dysregulation.

A person can be mentally brilliant but may not have emotional intelligence. And this is what is being shown to us in the public realms. Many ‘experts’ have their multitude of titles and connections to prestigious learning institutions, the appearances, but their information and discussions are meant to limit others’ perceptions through deceptive and disconnective means. This has shown up as censorship and diminishing others. This is often not recognized due to how the media has been manipulating dialogues, inverted truth, and then normalizing what is false.

Power struggle

Do you know what a power struggle involves?

Imagine yourself pushing your energy against another and they are doing the same thing against you. Then, all of a sudden, you just step out of the way. Guess what happens?

The other falls forward, perhaps to the floor, and there is no one there to be against…except the floor. It’s like pulling the plug out of the socket–disengaged and no energy to run on. The one who let go feels the most balanced because the force and pushing were disengaged.

Some people have beliefs that they have to battle to know they are connected to or disconnected from others. Choosing to disengage with love is a practiced, learned skill. Not everyone is going to resonate with where we live and think from.

There is an easily-applied, simple communication skill when a conversation is going south. It helps us to feel congruent with our intentions or with the energy of the participant/s where a power struggle might occur. I use, “I will agree to disagree,” and then end the conversation.

Even if I am baited to rejoin, which is often a tactic to keep the power struggle dominated, being clear of my intention and not feeling a need to be right, can allow for a sense of my personal empowerment. Inside myself, if I know what my truth is without having to defend it, I can let the ‘struggling’ go and return to my core center where I find calmness.  

I remember a relationship group I was part of years ago, where the facilitator said, “No need to bang your head against a brick wall and expect the wall to move.” It’s those simple statements of total common sense that come to me when a conversation isn’t working.

So as our world’s situations show up with intensity and/or struggle, I support all of us to watch for areas that work and don’t work in communication, and see where we can use simple, supportive, and self-empowering skills to disengage or engage to create the shifts that keep us in our calm center.

With deep care for a centered world,

Judy

Helpful Creator’s teachings/downloads
I know what it feels like to, how to, when to, that it’s possible, that I can, I do (or I am/am able to be):

• Ask what another means instead of projecting or assuming
• Without having to battle to be understood
• Agree to disagree where appropriate
• Clear in my intentions
• Have empowering skills of engagement and disengagement
• Live without power struggles