Title: The Questions …Compassion for Sex Traffickers? Part 2
Quote for Reflection: When Shakespeare’s character, Jaques, in the play ‘As You Like It’ spoke that, “The world’s a stage and we’re all actors,” there were no truer mystic words that resonated to me about the healing journey.~Judy
As a former clinical hypnotherapist, I can trance myself to other ‘past’ experiences and have for years. I’ve experienced many simultaneous realities. From last month’s blog (July ’23), I asked myself several questions around the many past lives or simultaneous lifetimes that I’ve experienced where I played in perpetrating roles, and whether I was unforgivable.
To say the least, not all of those events were aligned with the highest and best intentions, motives or actions. I saw myself act in ways that made me shutter and cry in the present. I would never think I could be so cruel, inhumane, and objectifying as in some of the memories I remembered from other historical times.
For clarity, this is NOT why I went through being trafficked and abused in this lifetime on a spiritual level. Karma doesn’t work like that. It isn’t a punishment or an eye-for-an-eye mentality. Further explanation will be in my up-and-coming books, ‘Moving Beyond Revised’.
Each time after I remembered, I was asked by my 3rd person observer or Higher Self, “What did you learn from that lifetime?”
And I would ‘see’ what I decided, gained, lost, and learned. This was before ThetaHealing® Technique, so I was already delving deep in understanding my motives and finding compassion and forgiveness for the ways I acted towards others and myself.
I stopped doing past life work for a few years until I went through an integration/fusion process in having lived with dissociative disordering with many inner child parts. I felt that my concentration needed to be on the Inner child work and to keep it within this lifetime. It was a good decision for me because in this life’s experience, it’s easy to want to bypass what is so horrific and unbelievable.
NDEs and Divine Justice
In having many NDEs (Near Death Experiences), I remember that Souls are asked what they wanted to learn from their earthly experiences and where they felt they didn’t learn it. This is from the angle of the feelings and experience from others. This is an aspect of Divine Justice after dying.
This actually means that how incarnated Souls affect other beings through their misaligned decisions, actions, and harm of others were all ‘noticed’ on a spiritual level. That can be quite an intense realization particularly in the awareness of being witnessed by Beings of Love and through that All-That-IS energy. Yet there was no judgment like what we might think. Souls are always learning. ‘Outside’ this Earthly Third Plane of Existence, it isn’t by punishment unless that is what the Soul wants to create in their unforgiveness of themselves.
In remembering my childhood NDEs, I didn’t want to come back. Children are not asked to ‘look’ at whether they have hurt others. They are just loved and blanketed with Unconditional love by other Light Souls.
The Light beings and Masters would show me why it was necessary to return, how my absence would impact a great deal of others who were counting on me including future generations of my family lineage. This was not very consoling to me as a child who could hardly bare to live with the tremendous amount of abuse that was being inflicted. Leaving my body to go ‘home’ had become much easier and more comforting than remembering what my mission was.
I was also told that I had a spiritual team to help me, some in form, and I would make it. I needed to remember that I volunteered to make a difference and felt I could do this journey through the Darkness in bringing a deeper awareness to humanity.
I have friends who remember me from in-between times, and who remember asking me if I thought I could do my mission in form. It seems easy when you don’t have a physical body and are surrounded by Love…like a brief thought. But those body suits sure create a ‘weighted’ and separated way of experiencing one’s earthly stage costume and role.
This Love becomes like a perpetrator
Divine Creator energy, that Unconditional Love that is part of all of us and through everything, gets the wrath by many. This Love becomes like a perpetrator.
Why is this? Many feel that IT abandons, rejects, disappears, punishes, hurts or betrays us. OR were we (and still are) waiting for this Unconditional Love to save us?
During my earlier healing process, I can’t tell you how many times I yelled and raged at God/Creator for allowing all the shocking memories to surface and in de-structuring the limited reality of my denial. It’s a huge mind/time warp to experience much of one’s childhood spliced together with most of it missing that actually happened. I’d walk into a scene of my life, the next hours or days went missing, and I’d remember being at the next scene that put things back together somehow. Nothing seemed out of place. Hollywood editors couldn’t have done it better.
As a child, I waited every year to die on Yom Kipper because the rabbi taught us in Sunday School that God would write us in the Book of Living or Dying. If we weren’t good, we’d be in the book of death. And the rabbi was a sexual perpetrator and trafficker. How convenient!
Being ‘good’ was keeping the rabbi and his cohorts’ abuse as a secret and separated from my conscious mind. I created unconscious beliefs thinking they were true, that God would kill me, and this is somehow connected to Love. What else does a child do but go outside herself to find the supposed answers that would keep her alive and piece life together to appear ‘normal’?
No one taught me that I am always connected to Love, or that God is really pure Unconditional LOVE. And what meaning would it have given to me at that time when Love meant abuse then? Many of the perpetrators claimed they loved me as they abused and passed me on.
So this Divine Love energy was perceived through the wounded Inner child part/s. The distortion was also passed on through the indoctrination that many of us experienced from our ancestors, cultures and religions as well.
This Unconditional Love energy is also experienced as separate from the self–the guy in the sky with a thunderbolt like Zeus, any patriarchal male god, an authority figure (which often relates to our parents, guardians and abusers), and/or the Supreme judge of another’s freewill.
All of these identities, beliefs and programs are not what I consider Truths in spirituality. The beliefs and memories block what can be experienced as Divine Love. There are also virtues that are needed like faith and trust to be practiced.
In blaming God/All-That-Is/Unconditional Love, this kept me experiencing the Divine Energy outside myself, just like the wounded child. That is how most people think about this Love. I was losing focus on what spirituality was really about. I wasn’t reaping the healing at a deeper level. It felt heavy and harsh. I felt positioned in the victim spot and feeling alone even though I had many dissociative parts inside and loving friends on the outside.
Played the roles
I asked myself often in my process: “How many times have I played the roles of the persecutor/ perpetrator in other lifetime experiences (past lives/ simultaneous experiences)?” I have recalled well over 300 experiences, so I’ve played a lot of polarizing roles.
“How many times was I put in the most heinous positions in being forced to make decisions which entailed either abusing others in order to survive, or be hurt or killed myself?” ‘Sophie’s Choice’ is often a reoccurring theme in trafficking.
“Can I forgive myself for my choices or those lack of choices at that level of consciousness then–as a child, as a teen, as a young adult–even though I had a Dissociative Disorder that kept amnesiac barriers in my mind so not to remember?” Toxic shame can run very deeply in witnessing and forced participation.
“What makes me unforgivable to this Divine Unconditional Love or to myself?”
Unforgivable or Loved?
As I continued my work through ThetaHealing® Technique after integration of my parts, and in really feeling a stronger connection with All-That-Is more consciously (rather than dying), I realized that nothing makes me unforgivable to this Divine Unconditional Love!
Even when I projected on and raged at Divine Creator, I was LOVED. Even when I got in my own way…my old beliefs and memories about myself, when I felt shame so deeply that I thought I’d shatter more from whatever core I had. I was LOVED.
In experiencing myself as having been totally dehumanized–of feeling I should be in an abyss, a void, away from everything and everyone, of being nothing/non-existent–I was LOVED.
Even when I couldn’t recognize or feel I could receive this Divine Love, I was LOVED (and am loved). What a landing to now know that I am part of this LOVE, so there was no way I wasn’t being LOVED.
This Divine All-That-IS has no requirements for me to acknowledge my own birthright in being part of this LOVE. I trust this completely now, but it sure was a process and many years to get there within myself.
That is also why those who trafficked me are forgivable even if they don’t heal, or ever acknowledge what they did to me or are doing to others on this earth. It’s their Soul choice to learn in difficult ways too if they want to.
Why do I mention difficult? What is the possibility, on a spiritual level, that their tortuous acts are a belief program that they have to devaluate themselves in their actions to find their true power and essence?
Redirect the Play
By not identifying as staying in the drama or trauma of my past, I was able to redirect the ‘play’, dropping the curtain (the veil, the illusion), and leave the stage multiple times that was created to teach me to complete the lessons, add virtues, and evolve my Soul to the next level. When there are many repressed memories, it takes awhile to close down each part of the play.
When Shakespeare’s character, Jaques, in the play ‘As You Like It’ spoke that, “The world’s a stage and we’re all actors,” there were no truer mystic words that resonated to me about the healing journey. This was really a big shift for me. It helped to rearrange things faster.
Next month, I’ll discuss stopping the planetary abuse and trauma, peace of mind through forgiveness and what that entails, separation of perpetrators from society, and non-dualistic spiritual principles. This will finalize the questions from July’s blog about having compassion for traffickers. Stay tuned!
With deep care in humanity’s choices to create a new paradigm,