Spiritually Bypassing ‘Real’

The reason why human beings fail to create real connections with others, is due to the fact that they are not first real within themselves….make sure that you are real in yourself, thus giving the other person a genuine ground to anchor into…. Be the shade that you are, and attract the people that like the real hue of you. JoyBell C.

I’ve been doing a great deal of thinking about ways of integrating aspects of my life and a goal of being more authentic and real in doing this.

Real is a multi-level word. I came across this quote from the movie, ‘Matrix’:

     “You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

      What is real? How do you define real? If you’re talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.” 

The way ‘real’ is expressed in the Matrix is about the context of electrical signals that create the grids or “matrix” of the vast illusion of the 3rd Plane of Existence (the spiritual realm we inhabit). But ‘being’ real with oneself and another is also something more…and very different.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is spiritualbypassing-819x1024.jpg

I feel that ThetaHealing® Technique is an amazing ‘red pill’ to acquire and hold sacred. Using it allows one to go ‘down the rabbit hole’ quickly and experience what is truly raw, honest and ‘real’.

When the practitioner stays present both in their connection to Creator/All-That-Is and with the client simultaneously, a skillful digging can occur that supports the client to bypass the conscious mind and ego, into the realms of greater truth, memories, patterns, feelings and beliefs to get to the grit of the situation.

It’s incredibly magical, profound, vulnerable, insightful, emotional, exhausting, energizing and enlightening all at once for the client. I normally have boxes of kleenix in my healing room just for the depth of transformative healing that occurs during sessions and workshops.

Notice I mentioned ‘bypass the conscious mind’ which only operates 12% of our spiritual, emotional and thought processes. Bypassing the other 88%, which is sub/unconscious, is what many people would rather do. This is called ‘Spiritual Bypassing’. I appreciate the nuances that it includes.

It’s a term that was first identified by psychologist, John Welwood in 1984, as a way to use spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid unresolved wounds, painful feelings and our needs that have been developmentally arrested.  Our society often uses spirituality to step outside its’ fears thinking it’s somehow engaging with it and moving forward.  More often we are avoiding or dissociating from it.

Have you ever heard anyone say something similar to these phrases below?

“I forgave my mother a long time ago for beating me.  No use hanging onto a grudge when she’ll suffer for all that she did to me anyways.”

“Get over it. The past is over. You just need a mental shift.”

“I’m not calling to argue. I am very supportive of you 88% of the time when you are coming from a place of love (not fear).”

“All you gotta’ do is chill out…Let go of control and chill out…Let it be. Trust.”

“Why have boundaries…you’re just holding on instead of surrendering into the Cosmos. The Cosmos doesn’t have boundaries.”

“I share myself, my love with many. Don’t you see how limiting, unexpansive and unspiritual you are by only wanting to be monogamous?”

“Anger is such a negative emotion. We should just be happy. Why do you want to make my life miserable by being angry?”

“Why cry when I can see that it won’t do any good. I just need to feel good.”

“It’s important to be nice. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by telling them what I feel.”

“Tell me what you’re getting by creating this situation for yourself.”

“It’s your karma.”

“Get rid of the ego.”

“Don’t take it personally. Why does it have to be about you?”

Each of these statements fall into experiences that create separation and/or disconnection. They are communication styles that are often projected from unhealed wounds or lack of common sense skills. They are misaligned with what is real in a situation, and support denial to keep things at a distance, a false safety and/or ‘unrelatedness’.

They show ways in which people act out of unconscious or conscious patterns which are dismissive, minimizing, passive-aggressive, shaming, negating, judgmental, blaming, controlling, and/or covertly manipulative. And all of us can fall into these traps or platitudes because we don’t or forget to think things out in responding.

Many of these statements come from triggers and can create a situation where others become triggered. What I mean by a trigger is when a statement or question is expressed that brings up an emotional charge from the past. Some people become reactive, others diffuse it, some take time to process it and then speak to it, while others can speak to it in the moment.

If we become triggered, what is important is to learn the skills, communication and actions in how to take responsibility for it. Triggers don’t happen from the present. So we cannot live in the present or in the moment if we cannot acknowledge and release the origins of the triggered feeling which lies in a frozen energy of the ‘past.’

I personally feel that spirituality encompasses all aspects of Creation including the psychological realm, which so often isn’t addressed in spiritually bypassing the situation. We can lose our core perspective and parts of ourselves in wanting to advance spiritually without a commitment to ourselves. and what is true for us deep down. We give up our power to another who must “KNOW,” thinking we are letting go of our ego into something more vast and captivating.

In being able to acknowledge that something is off, we can open up a willingness to explore it in where it really comes from, feel it, and then release the situation from holding us in a freeze frame and a dense encapsulation of time. This can help us to move from disconnection to an expansive heart space and empowerment.

Our real journey in Spirituality, then, is to face our own shadow side, ego self, or disowned parts with courage, caring, creativity and compassion (the 4 C’s). We can then move forward to bring our gifts and purpose into this reality in a more embodied way.

What is calling to us from the inside can occur by saying or acknowledging our truth to it even if it’s difficult. What would happen if we got real by connecting within, to any or every aspect of ourselves, by saying any of the following?

‘I see you inside.’

‘I will work with you.’

‘You’re sometimes difficult to be with, but I’m willing.’

‘You sometimes avoid me, but I can see your importance.’

‘I often want to avoid you but I have courage.’

‘What I went through must have been difficult for me to feel this way.’

‘I’m willing to explore and learn to know, accept and hopefully love you.’

‘You don’t feel like what I’m ‘supposed’ to feel in what others have told me to feel.’

‘I’m willing to be with you in what you are really feeling.’

‘I’m willing to explore this, rather than avoid it.’

‘It’s better out in a safe place, then in a ‘pressure cooker.’

‘I’m worthy of the time and energy in being connected with myself.’

Getting real isn’t always easy, but it’s palpable experience. It’s connective.

It’s this unity consciousness of oneness within and with All-That-IS by making peace with ourselves, all aspects, that brings about the unity consciousness with the outside world. It’s a deep and experiential way to see a shift into peace in the world.

This brings me back to being ‘real’. As we are being an ‘amigo with our ego’, as we learn to love all parts of ourselves, there is a vitality that others can feel and are thus attracted to.

I personally feel that this is how the Law of Attraction works.  We get clear because we’ve made room in ourselves for this clarity through a unity of understanding, care and love inside. Out of that arises a sense of being real, genuine, focused, being open to being transparent with ourselves along with discerning and open with others in what and how we feel.

We can then experience the Divine shifting the energy within and around us, and through our environment.  This is intimacy of and with the Divine…being that open vessel. And it starts with the emotional intimacy with our self first so we can bring this richness to the surface to share with others in a very profound way.

I invite each one of us on this spiritual journey of life, to honor the places that we are evolving from, delving deep inside ourselves, and celebrate the Spiritual awakening of moving into becoming more real and genuine.

We can share this with the world collectively. We can acknowledge where we’ve come from to where we are with more emotional vulnerability, authenticity and courage.

In respecting the journey as ‘real’,


I extracted possible ‘theme’ beliefs from the story. For ThetaHealers, you can Energy test yourself, practice clearing them through digging if applicable, and use Creator’s teachings, including the ones below, if they fit. For everyone, you can say ‘yes’ to yourself to receive each individual teaching.



*I’m afraid of being real.

*I avoid being real to protect others from my feelings.

*I avoid being real to protect myself from others feelings.

*It’s easier to be nice then to be real.

*My unresolved wounds, painful feelings and needs are more than who I am.

*Denying my triggers keeps me focused in the future rather than the past.

*I have the courage to step into my fears without avoidance.


Helpful Creator’s teachings/downloads

I know what it feels like to, how to, when to, that it’s possible, that I can, I do (or I am/am able to be)

*To be real and work with my caring, courage, creativity, and compassion

*To bring forth more emotional vulnerability, authenticity and courage

*To be real with wherever my feelings are

*To be able to live protecting myself by being able to stay real

*To identify my triggers

*To work deeply on my triggers

*To clear my triggers

*To be real and be intimate with myself

*To be real and be intimate with others

*To have intimacy with the Divine

Follow Judy Dragon:
Author - Healing practitioner since 1979 - ThetaHealing Master, Certificate of Science, Instructor since 1998 - Specializes in the education & healing of childhood trauma - Dancer - Gardener - Grandmother.